The day that changed our lives forever

The news about Nate... June 24th 2006
The following entry is prior and about the day of the accident and how we received the news about Nate.

I want to share with all of you what events were taking place two days before the day of the accident. It was on a Thursday when Nate told his dad and I about a dream he had, he was very insiting that we both hear this dream. He was very serious when telling us and very detailed. He said that he had a dream that he was falling but as he got closer to the ground he discovered he had wings. He started telling us more and stood up to demonstrate with his arms as wings to explain, and we could see how real it was to him.
He said that he could feel the pressure of the air under his wings lift him up from the ground and lift him up, he described the colors, clouds and everything that was around him.
Don and I just sat both puzzled about this dream but Nate had this incredible smile and so much emotion the entire time he was telling us about his dream. We said how that was a pretty amazing dream. He said it was so real he was flying with the birds and angels, and never touched the ground.

The way he described it you could tell how peaceful it was by his words and actions he used to describe the dream. Nate was not afraid of this dream....


The next evening he had plans to go out with his friends so before we went out to dinner the last time I saw Nate he was in his room getting ready to go.
When I got up the next morning I noticed he had not come home which I knew they must have went camping and stayed the night.
As I got around I was not feeling well, just a sick feeling in my stomach I didn't pay much attention to it and tried to go about the morning.
About 3 hours later Don came home from working for his lunch break when he got called to the P.D. he called them to see what was wrong but they wouldn't tell him on the phone.
We just figured it was work related and nothing else was ever thought about it.

I left the house do run some errands and before I got a mile from the house I see a cop car coming towards our place. Don called me on the cell to get me back home and when I drove up he was not in uniform.

When I got in the house he had the phone in his hands and sat me down on the couch and started to tell me that he was told that a boy had fallen while climbing and they think its Nate. I started to cry and my mind wouldn't grasp it at all, no this couldn't be true I didn't believe it and started to go to the door, the pain hit me like a rock and I fell to my knees and cried it had to be a mistake this couldn't be happening overwhelming pain was too much to bare I had to go and see for myself.


Nate had lost his wallet a couple months prior and we thought maybe they guy still had it on him. We thought of every possibility that we could it just couldn't be Nate he was afraid of heights.
When we finally arrived 29 miles later we pulled off the highway onto a clearing I sat in the truck while Don went to speak with the rescue team and Deputy Sheriff. As I looked down to where they were parked Don looked back at the truck I knew right away that it was Nate. My heart sank and all the rational thoughts left me I thought how could he be gone and why? I can't be without him he is my entire world.


Everything started going so fast and I was so numb at that time I looked at the cars driving by and thought all I have to do is step out and I can be with Nate.
I must have had the blank stare because soon after that thought before I could even come to my senses Don and the Deputy had walked to my side of the truck and opened the door.
In his hands he had Nate's wallet, he never went anywhere without it and it had a chain that kept it on him so he wouldn't loose it.
At that moment I had to face again that it was true and Nate was not coming home.
The Deputy told me that he wasn't climbing that he had been following his friends on a very dangerous narrow trail and had fallen.


I was spared the details of the fall until I read the news paper the next day. I still haven't been out to where it happened and I won't be going, its too hard.
In preparing for the services Don and I wanted to share Nate's life so we put together a flash program that had pictures of Nate from the time he was a baby till current. It took us from Sunday-Wednesday most nights until 3am. It helped so much to do this we had time to try to heal and time to prepare for the day of the services.


A lot of his friends that had been with him camping and that morning were there and stood up to say something about Nate. It was all really beautiful and we couldn't have done it any better.
After the services we all drove to the Lake that Nate loved to fish at with his friends and said our goodbye for now.
Watching his friends walk by his picture and roses that I held during the services was very emotional. I didn't realize that he had touched so many lives so much but I really wouldn't have expected anything less of Nate that was just the kind of person he was.
We invited all his friends back to the house for lunch so that we could share more about Nate so that we could all share and be close.


They told me about that night and day of camping and how Nate was giving everyone hugs and telling them how blessed he was to have them as friends and they were so much a part of his life and how he loved them like family.
He told them how much he respected his parents and how much he loved them and how happy he was to have them.
When most everyone had went to sleep one of the girls told me that she could hear Nate screaming out about how beautiful it was where they were camping.
They said he was always very happy but that trip he was so happy and so loving and so expressive of his thoughts about everyone in his life.


One of the guys that had hiked down and found him asked if he could see Nate's room I honestly didn't know how I could go in there but some how I found the strength I didn't want to deny him being close to Nate. As I walked back and opened the door not just one but about 10 of his friends were behind me piling into Nate's little room.

It was so nice to see that they all wanted to be a part and share, it really helped me and brought such strength. I explained to them that I couldn't do this after the accident that it was too hard and I thanked them for giving me the strength.

We can't begin to imagine the pain they felt when they found him it's just too much to take in.

The pain of loosing a child is so unbearable it is the worst pain your heart will ever know. You cry tears that are bigger than you ever cried, the sound of your cries is the most haunting and your heart will literally hurt from the pain.
It changes every part of who you are and everything your life stands for.
In the 21 years of having Nate we were always together, he was and always will be my world.
It's been 2 yrs and 8 months since that day our lives changed forever and the pain of loosing him is still very much there. I'm always a heartbeat away from a deep sadness and longing for Nate when I see a mother and a son together, it brings back the happy times when Nate was with me.
We have had so many signs we feel God has used to open our heart and minds to so we can feel the grace and peace he wants for us until we are all together again.